So you’ve decided, (against all advice and reason) to get into a long distance relationship. Let’s put aside the question of sanity, and focus. You’ve obviously put a lot of thought into this choice, and okay, the bags are packed, the teary goodbyes said and the arduous journey’s begun. With the best of intentions, I wish you good luck.
I’m not a supporter of long distance relationships - I’m a reluctant survivor. But in the tried and tested manner of a true rehabilitating relationship junkie, I’d advise anyone who’d care to listen to steer clear. I mean real clear. I believe there’s a type that can make these work - it’s just a rare type. And unless there’s a pretty good reason to stay together, a ring on your finger for instance, it’s a tough choice to make, and one that’ll put your relationship through some serious tests. Buckle up.
Having said that, sometimes, if you both want something to work, if your base is strong, trust hasn’t made itself an issue, and it truly is for the greater good, I congratulate you, you’re sorted. For the rest of us, who struggle through the turbulence that distance causes, here’s my two pennies worth...
Establish some Ground Rules
This comes before you take the boat across the sea. Talk about what’s okay and what isn’t - nights out, get-togethers, orientations, clubs, dinners, dos, soirees, call it what you will. Establish on both sides what’s acceptable, what isn’t, and be fair. Trust may not have been an issue, but I can’t think of a more pertinent time when it will be put to a test.
Prioritize
When you live in different cities, and lives that were together separate into individual entities, suddenly, there’s a gap. There are movies to watch and no significant other to cozy up with, there’s coffee to drink, and a lonely cup on the counter, and there are moonlit nights that you certainly shouldn’t be watching alone - but you shouldn’t be star gazing with someone else either. That’s a quandary, so what do you do? Well, you could begin a serious relationship with your cell phone, and make a deep commitment to your laptop - I’m not a fan of technology, but this is a good time to make gadgets your new best friends, and use every tool the good world has offered. Make phone dates, no matter how corny they sound, and include your partner in your now separate life. Talk about developments, new friends; put each others minds at rest. And prioritize your relationship.
Make the Effort
If you’re able, make the effort to bridge the gap - literally. Meet as often as possible and make sure the time you get together is high on quality. Since this relationship is something that means a great deal, let the distance bring you closer. Regroup, reconnect and use the fact that you aren’t together 24x7 to your advantage. Plan vacations, rekindle the romance. And give it your all.
Trust Each Other
The funny thing about trust is, you don’t really think about it until it’s broken. And once broken, it can be very, very difficult to mend, so don’t take the chance. Understand that temptation in every shape and form will arise, and sometimes the loneliness and the unfairness of it all will make you question your decision - many times over. In the cold light of day, you will regret a decision made in haste, so avoid situations that place you in clear view of temptation. Keep a close friend who’s on your side, by your side.
I will say this, long distance relationships that make it through the acid test of time, are strengthened by the effort that both partners make. And the reunions make it all worth while. When you’re in it for the long haul, whether or not family and marriage are on the cards, these things happen - sometimes better opportunities make for better finances and the move has to be affected. Stay strong, and stay together; true love is really worth it.
I’m not a supporter of long distance relationships - I’m a reluctant survivor. But in the tried and tested manner of a true rehabilitating relationship junkie, I’d advise anyone who’d care to listen to steer clear. I mean real clear. I believe there’s a type that can make these work - it’s just a rare type. And unless there’s a pretty good reason to stay together, a ring on your finger for instance, it’s a tough choice to make, and one that’ll put your relationship through some serious tests. Buckle up.
Having said that, sometimes, if you both want something to work, if your base is strong, trust hasn’t made itself an issue, and it truly is for the greater good, I congratulate you, you’re sorted. For the rest of us, who struggle through the turbulence that distance causes, here’s my two pennies worth...
Establish some Ground Rules
This comes before you take the boat across the sea. Talk about what’s okay and what isn’t - nights out, get-togethers, orientations, clubs, dinners, dos, soirees, call it what you will. Establish on both sides what’s acceptable, what isn’t, and be fair. Trust may not have been an issue, but I can’t think of a more pertinent time when it will be put to a test.
Prioritize
When you live in different cities, and lives that were together separate into individual entities, suddenly, there’s a gap. There are movies to watch and no significant other to cozy up with, there’s coffee to drink, and a lonely cup on the counter, and there are moonlit nights that you certainly shouldn’t be watching alone - but you shouldn’t be star gazing with someone else either. That’s a quandary, so what do you do? Well, you could begin a serious relationship with your cell phone, and make a deep commitment to your laptop - I’m not a fan of technology, but this is a good time to make gadgets your new best friends, and use every tool the good world has offered. Make phone dates, no matter how corny they sound, and include your partner in your now separate life. Talk about developments, new friends; put each others minds at rest. And prioritize your relationship.
Make the Effort
If you’re able, make the effort to bridge the gap - literally. Meet as often as possible and make sure the time you get together is high on quality. Since this relationship is something that means a great deal, let the distance bring you closer. Regroup, reconnect and use the fact that you aren’t together 24x7 to your advantage. Plan vacations, rekindle the romance. And give it your all.
Trust Each Other
The funny thing about trust is, you don’t really think about it until it’s broken. And once broken, it can be very, very difficult to mend, so don’t take the chance. Understand that temptation in every shape and form will arise, and sometimes the loneliness and the unfairness of it all will make you question your decision - many times over. In the cold light of day, you will regret a decision made in haste, so avoid situations that place you in clear view of temptation. Keep a close friend who’s on your side, by your side.
I will say this, long distance relationships that make it through the acid test of time, are strengthened by the effort that both partners make. And the reunions make it all worth while. When you’re in it for the long haul, whether or not family and marriage are on the cards, these things happen - sometimes better opportunities make for better finances and the move has to be affected. Stay strong, and stay together; true love is really worth it.